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You know you are a Melburnian when…

/ 18 Aug 2016
  1. You find it harder to choose which cafe to go for brunch than you do to buy a house.
  2. You look for a bar entrance in a plain brick wall.
  3. Your coffee order has six adjectives, one noun and no mention of coffee.
  4. You have ordered an algae, a mushroom, a magic or a beetroot latte and not been ashamed.
  5. It seems logical to travel multiple suburbs away to get dessert after dinner.
  6. You consider the primary function of a rooftop to be space for a bar or cinema.
  7. You roll your eyes when someone asks you if you know ‘that’ pho place. Of course you do.
  8. You literally cannot answer the question ‘what is your favorite restaurant?’.
  9. You are not intolerant to something, you are part of a ‘food tribe’.
  10. You’re beginning to wonder whether milk is actually spelt with a ‘y’.
  11. You’d UberEATS a tub of ice cream, coffee or puppy because Broadsheet said so.
  12. You’d wait in line at Collingwood Townhall for 4 hours at the Flour Market for doughnuts that you could get around the corner at a cafe on Brunswick and Gertrude Streets.
  13. You’ll drop $500 on a Dinner by Heston or $60 on brunch, but you lose your mind if a standard coffee is more than $3.80 in the city centre.
  14. You don’t mind walking up any amount of stairs just to Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook check-in that you were on a rooftop.
  15. You don’t go to Hosier Lane for the artwork.
  16. You justify spending a week’s rent on active wear just to walk around the Tan twice.
  17. Weddings on Grand Final day cause full emotional breakdowns.
  18. You think Boxing Day is for cricket, not laying around.
  19. You love ‘the tennis’, but can’t name anyone outside the top five.
  20. You know it is faster to walk to the MCG than drive to it on a game day.
  21. You spend your tram ride dreaming of that start-up, so you can spend your days working from cafes and cycling to meetings.
  22. You have bought at least three of the blue Melbourne bike helmets but have no idea where they are.
  23. You know Brunswick Street isn’t in Brunswick, and Fitzroy Street isn’t in Fitzroy.
  24. You know which way round the city loop goes. And what time it changes.
  25. You are aware there is no phone reception in the city loop but you still use it as excuse to hang up phone calls.
  26. You have never ridden a horse and cart down Swanston Street, and you don’t know anybody who has.
  27. You can understand the announcements on the tram/train.
  28. What is a bus?
  29. You’ve tried to pay for something with your Myki card.
  30. Hook turns are not even a thing.
  31. Northside vs Southside of the river starts more arguments than Sydney vs Melbourne ever has.
  32. You don’t understand where the free tram zone starts or ends and if you do, still refuse to get off and walk one stop to the Arts Centre.

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